“But love is blind and lovers cannot see
The pretty follies that themselves commit;”
-Shakespeare in The Merchant of Venice, 1596
“I don’t make love by the garden gate,
For love is blind, but the neighbors ain’t.”
-J. Mason Brewer in Worser Days and Better Times, 1965
“We may not be perfect, but we are perfect for each other.” -Passionate Ilocano lawyer’s plea to his beloved to come live with him and be his love, 2023
The high water mark in this “love is blind” or accepting the beloved’s imperfections rationale was demonstrated last week in Honolulu where a husband and wife were pictured holding hands as they left a courtroom after the husband’s trial for allegedly murdering the acupuncturist of his wife with whom she was reportedly having an affair. It ended with a hung jury. The husband will be retried. The husband apparently loved his wife but he was not blind. He simply accepted his wife’s imperfection. Adultery is the most serious imperfection in a husband and wife relationship.
Should this incident make us wary of acupuncturists? The contact between an acupuncturist and a patient is very intimate. There is a lot of touching. Touching in one part could lead to other parts. They could be acupuncturing something else beyond what they ought to be acupuncturing. Cuidado. There might be decent acupuncturists. Fuera de los buenos.
An Ilocano lawyer was once asked by a friend to help reconcile him with his attractive wife who had strayed from the path of righteousness. The friend told the lawyer that he was willing to take back his wife. Apparently he had accepted his wife’s imperfection. The lawyer arranged the meeting in a romantic San Francisco restaurant. The lawyer succeeded in reconciling the couple. Later the friend called the lawyer saying that he could not make love with his wife any more. Whenever he tried to make love with her, he imagined his wife and his paramour making love. He suffered erectile dysfunction. They eventually divorced.
When people see a good looking man and a woman who is not pretty or even ugly – I am not necessarily talking about royalty or presidents – they are likely to say “ah, love is blind”. The same reaction might be evoked when they see a good looking woman and a nondescript man. Love is not blind, the better looking person simply accepts the other person’s imperfection.
Similarly, when an attractive young woman is seen with a wrinkled old man or when a good looking young man is seen with an unattractive female companion who looks twice his age, people might react by asking “what does she see in him?” or “what does he see in her?” The young woman and the young man are not blind. They simply accept their beloved’s imperfection.
ARE LOVERS CRAZY OR FOOLS?
There are a litany of imperfections of a beloved from the most blatant – like adultery – to the most obvious – like age and appearance – that one can think of. There are scores of imperfections that are present in every love relationship. Love is not blind. The lover simply accepts these imperfections of the beloved.
Is the lover crazy? Perhaps, like “I am crazy about you.”
Is the lover a fool? Maybe. As Frank Sinatra crooned while pursuing Ava Gardner:
“I’m a fool to want you
I’m a fool to want you
To want a love that can’t be true
A love that’s there for others too
I’m a fool to hold you
Such a fool to hold you
To seek a kiss not mine alone
To share a kiss the Devil has known.”
LOVE SUPPRESSES CRITICAL THOUGHT
There is a supposedly intelligent lawyer pursuing a teen-ager whose only obvious qualification is her beauty. The lawyer says the girl is also intelligent. The lawyer is also seeing other women one of whom, in the opinion of others, is more mature and more beautiful than the teen-ager. What is the rationale?
“Modern-day research supports the view that the blindness of love is not just a figurative matter. A research study in 2004 by the University College London found that feelings of love suppressed the activity of the areas of the brain that control critical thought. https://www.phrases.org.uk/meanings/love-is-blind.html
There you have it. Love suppresses critical thought.
HOW DO YOU KNOW YOU LOVE HER ?
Here are some evidences of true love.
- You think of her when you wake up, when you go to sleep, when you are eating, when you are driving, when you are talking with others, when arguing in court if you are a lawyer, or when operating on a patient if you are a doctor.
- She breathes the breath of life into you.
- She inspires you to do things that would make her proud of you.
- You want to know all about her.
- You are willing to do anything to please her.
- You are prepared to give all your time for her.
- You want her to be happy and see her smile.
- You want to be with her all the time.
- When she hurts you, you like to think that she did not intend to do so or has a valid explanation.
IMMIGRATION OFFICERS’ REACTION TO DISSIMILARITIES
How do immigration officers react to couples who seek immigration benefits with blatant dissimilarities – in appearance, in age, and in other matters. They do not believe in this “love is blind” thing. Nor in such thing as “lovers simply accepting the beloved’s imperfections”.
Immigration officers see “marriage fraud”.
Immigration officers have in their minds a stereotype of what constitutes a bona fide marriage – same race or ethnicity, same background, same pleasant looks, and the man is a few years older than the woman. If there is a significant age gap, and especially if the man is over 60 it is believed that the man cannot consummate a marriage because of erectile dysfunction. Furthermore, they do not believe that a very young woman (the alien) really wants to marry a much older man for love. On the other hand, if the woman is much older than her husband, and even more so if the younger man (the alien) is better looking than the woman, it is even worse. It will be difficult to convince immigration officials that the man married the older woman for love.
RECOMMENDATION: If you and your spouse do not fit the immigration stereotype of what constitutes a bona fide marriage and you wish to seek immigration benefits, it is best to consult with a lawyer who has the experience and skill to convince immigration officials that your marriage is bona fide.
(Atty. Emmanuel Samonte Tipon was a Fulbright and Smith-Mundt scholar to Yale Law School where he obtained a Master of Laws degree specializing in Constitutional Law. He graduated with a Bachelor of Laws degree from the University of the Philippines. He placed third in the 1955 bar examinations.
He is admitted to practice before the U.S. Supreme Court, New York, and the Philippines. He practices federal law, with emphasis on immigration law and appellate federal criminal defense. He was the Dean and a Professor of Law of the College of Law, Northwestern University, Philippines. He has written law books and legal articles for the world’s most prestigious legal publisher and writes columns for newspapers. He wrote the annotations and case notes to the Immigration and Nationality Act published by The Lawyers Co-operative Publishing Co. and Bancroft Whitney Co. He wrote the best-seller “Winning by Knowing Your Election Laws.” Listen to The Tipon Report which he co-hosts with his son Attorney Emmanuel “Noel” Tipon. They talk about immigration law, criminal law, court-martial defense, politics, and current events. It is considered the most witty, interesting, and useful radio show in Hawaii. KNDI 1270 AM band every Thursday at 8:00 a.m. Atty. Tipon was born in Laoag City, Philippines. Cell Phone (808) 225-2645. E-Mail: firstname.lastname@example.org. Website: https://www.tiponimmigrationguide.com The information provided in this article is not legal advice. Publication of this information is not intended to create, and receipt by you does not constitute, an attorney-client) relationship.)